First of July, 2023 marked a very special day. It was the first time in 5(!) years, me and my guitar climbed the stage again. Why now you ask? I don’t know, I just felt the urge. To make myself uncomfortable? ‘Cause that’s what it was. Very uncomfortable. I don’t know. But it brought back so many old memories and definitely lit a spark in this ‘used-to-be musician’s’ heart. Here’s a little review of how it went.
So, how was it? I was all but perfect. I brought print-outs of all the lyrics and chords and this proved to be essential since because of the nerves, I kept forgetting words and chords (even though I practiced every day for WEEKS). The stage that I played on was nice and cute and under a tree, but the setting wasn’t nice and cute at all… The festival was held in a small park around a pond, and at the time I was playing, there was also a, what sound like a super loud rock band, playing on the other side of the pond. They were so loud, I couldn’t hear my guitar half the time, which was annoying, because I sometimes wasn’t able to hear if I was singing in the right key. The loudness of that band was also distracting me from really ‘feeling’ the songs, which was a bummer. I don’t mean to make excuses, but as someone who hadn’t been on a stage in five years + mostly playing all new original songs, these were horrifying circumstances. Oh well, if there’s something I learned in those 10 year of performing, it’s that I can expect anything.
Maybe that is also why I wanted to do it again. I used to be kind of addicted to the ‘excited’ feeling of traveling to a venue, not knowing what to expect, and delivering a good performance, no matter what. In 2018 I think I nailed that skill, really. I could mess up and nobody would notice. I could forget lyrics, and make some up on the spot. Background noises? I could cancel them out. Hour-long set? No problem. By the end of it, I felt like a pro. And on the first of July, I felt like pure beginner.
I realize I’m back to square one, I lost that professionalism. But, I also feel like I got something now that I didn’t have before. I have a freshness over me when it comes to songwriting and performing. An excitement that I realize now was long lost then. I think this is promising for the future? I finished about 4 new songs last month and I’ve been loving writing. I have stuff the write, things to say. I feel like I’m really doing it for me now, and not for some pushy, ambitious version of me. I let myself breath now. I have no intentions of making a career out of it now, it is just pure fun.
This has been wholesome. I want to do it again! I’ll be on the lookout for another venue, festival, garden party, balcony (or anything else!) where I can perform. If you know something, let me know.
XXX
Sascha
