Are a lot of us are hiding who we really are? I think I might be hiding parts of me.
I just watched a YouTube video of a Ted-talk by Ruth Clare. In the video she tells the audience how a huge part of her life was dedicated to being the person other people wanted her to be. And by being that person for so long, she literally forgot about her own wants and needs. It took breaking her back to realize she needed to put herself first and rediscover who she really was. Once she knew, the scary part of actually being that person started. She was afraid people would start disliking her if she showed too much of her own character. Well, pretty soon she also discovered that people didn’t really care and that she could be whoever she wanted to be.
The last couple of months I’ve been thinking a lot about how much of my own character is based on people’s expectations of me and how much is actually genuinely me. The scary thing is, I just don’t know! I do know that I want to get to know myself a bit better. For example, I want to take more time to write down my thoughts (exactly what I’m doing here!). Sometimes the experience of life is like standing in the middle of a whirlwind with moments flying by too quickly to really notice them. Writing about something is like pressing pause and zooming in on these moments that, for a second, made you think, smile or tear up. Moments that made you feel something. These moments are often forgotten by the end of the day because of endless to-do lists, schedules and sadly, scrolling social media feeds (yes, this takes up a lot of time and energy…).
While I enjoy scrolling my Instagram and TikTok feed, it doesn’t help with ‘finding me’ at all. There’s just too many women doing too many different things to really let it influence me. If leaves me exhausted and confused most of the time. Especially if I’m scrolling social media in search of my own identity. I better give that up, I won’t find it there.
No, those little moments in my daily life, the thoughts the spark in my mind, the songs I remember and the things I notice that nobody else does. Those tell me who I am. Who I am is there, but I let myself get distracted. That’s what this blog is for. It’s a pause button in the whirlwind that is my life. A place where I can zoom in and write about what moves me, what I like and dislike. I hope to rediscover long lost parts of me and maybe you’ll join me, maybe not. But I’d like to encourage you to write as well. It always leaves me feeling better, and, is cheaper than therapy. Join the ride!?
XX Sascha
